If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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