So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dear god my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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