let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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