I wanna passion pit in your ass
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
