grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
