i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
