I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
