Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize