This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
