mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
