I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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