My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry about my life...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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