She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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