So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize