Non-Jews are for practice
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize