I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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