so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize