"it" just moved
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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