it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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