dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
not ubering you a puppy
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