Do you still have your period?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
