Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
