Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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