Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
