dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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