someone get that fucking seahorse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
