I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
