he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
