i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If that was your dad, he is hot
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
