so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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