i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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