Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize