So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
