So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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