Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
