am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
