Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
