its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
