Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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