a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just blew my weed a kiss
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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