In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
