He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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