You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize