It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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