after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize