In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
