Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
