you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
