In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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