im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
