I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
