I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
