I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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