I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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