Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
