We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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