Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
