do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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