so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize