You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My life is pants optional.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
