How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
