Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
