you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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