His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
