she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
