One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
