oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize